Thanks, Rachel. I learned from my mother's partner's death that we cannot know what death we will want in the end. Frank was a robust, fully functioning 90-year-old when he learned that he was full of cancer and had only a month left to live. That's my idea of a perfect death. But not his.
When I visited Frank in the hospital he was despondent. "You know you are going to die sometime, but you never think it's going to happen to you," he sobbed. Even after 90 years of good health, Frank felt cheated.
Since Richard's death, I've been saying that I think couples should switch roles every now and then, just for a couple weeks, to get some sense of what their mate does. I've also been meaning to start my own file of all those things my kids would need to know when I die. Like you said, it's a boring, tedious task! Inspired by you, I've now set up a file in NOTES, titled it WHEN. I guess the next thing I should do is let the "kids" know how to get into my computer and where this file will be. Gulp! I wish there was a class on this.
Brava on the WHEN, Sandra. You and I will each work on our tedious effort--wanna check in with each other mid-summer? I know it's not exactly what you had mind, but I like thinking of Richard trying to write a novel and you making preserves (& marmalades, was it?) in San Miguel. ❤️ I always grin when I think of him.
I've started! So far, my categories are: PASSWORDS, PROJECTS, BOOKS, ARCHIVES, WHO DOES WHAT ... :-) It occurs to me now, at 80, that I should at least start down-sizing. It's not going to happen, at least not soon, but maybe just that thought is a first step.
Huzzah! I’m currently helping my 87 yo Dad winnow (love that word) his paper files and I feel committed to doing the same when I’m home. Do you know of Swedish Death Cleaning? There’s a classic book about it that became the primary source for a gently amusing reality TV show.
I am late to this post, spending a Sunday morning going through "unread emails". First - I have just reserved MEMORIAL DAYS at the library. I have been meaning to read it since it came out, both for the topic and because she is such a wonderful writer (see PEOPLE OF THE BOOK and HORSE, among others). Thanks for the prompt! Secondly, a bit of an amusing story on passwords. When talking to Anna years ago after a stint in the hospital prompted by a 103 degree temp, she said, "103 degrees! That's when you start telling people your passwords!" And thanks for sharing Ann's story. I saw her a month or so before she died and was heartbroken. I am glad to hear how she approached her final days.
Thanks, Rachel. I learned from my mother's partner's death that we cannot know what death we will want in the end. Frank was a robust, fully functioning 90-year-old when he learned that he was full of cancer and had only a month left to live. That's my idea of a perfect death. But not his.
When I visited Frank in the hospital he was despondent. "You know you are going to die sometime, but you never think it's going to happen to you," he sobbed. Even after 90 years of good health, Frank felt cheated.
Jamie, thank you for this. It broadens the experience. And I feel for Frank's sorrow.
Since Richard's death, I've been saying that I think couples should switch roles every now and then, just for a couple weeks, to get some sense of what their mate does. I've also been meaning to start my own file of all those things my kids would need to know when I die. Like you said, it's a boring, tedious task! Inspired by you, I've now set up a file in NOTES, titled it WHEN. I guess the next thing I should do is let the "kids" know how to get into my computer and where this file will be. Gulp! I wish there was a class on this.
Brava on the WHEN, Sandra. You and I will each work on our tedious effort--wanna check in with each other mid-summer? I know it's not exactly what you had mind, but I like thinking of Richard trying to write a novel and you making preserves (& marmalades, was it?) in San Miguel. ❤️ I always grin when I think of him.
I've started! So far, my categories are: PASSWORDS, PROJECTS, BOOKS, ARCHIVES, WHO DOES WHAT ... :-) It occurs to me now, at 80, that I should at least start down-sizing. It's not going to happen, at least not soon, but maybe just that thought is a first step.
Huzzah! I’m currently helping my 87 yo Dad winnow (love that word) his paper files and I feel committed to doing the same when I’m home. Do you know of Swedish Death Cleaning? There’s a classic book about it that became the primary source for a gently amusing reality TV show.
I loved the Swedish art of death cleaning, and need to reread it. Clearly!
Yes, we're on! xoxoxox (I love your fantasy of Richard and I switching roles in SMA.)
I am late to this post, spending a Sunday morning going through "unread emails". First - I have just reserved MEMORIAL DAYS at the library. I have been meaning to read it since it came out, both for the topic and because she is such a wonderful writer (see PEOPLE OF THE BOOK and HORSE, among others). Thanks for the prompt! Secondly, a bit of an amusing story on passwords. When talking to Anna years ago after a stint in the hospital prompted by a 103 degree temp, she said, "103 degrees! That's when you start telling people your passwords!" And thanks for sharing Ann's story. I saw her a month or so before she died and was heartbroken. I am glad to hear how she approached her final days.