I Need More Time

This is a pause between the first and second of a 4-part series on professional endings

I need more time.

Over the weekend, I was thinking about my second essay in this series on professional or career endings. The essay I titled “Ghost Ships, Grief & Gratitude.”

I had an outline, felt on-track with the writing schedule and then life happened. Nothing major but schedules went sideways, writing time was cut and quickly the self-imposed Thursday deadline loomed.

Now my thoughts about the essay were accompanied by a growing agitation about the deadline. I heard a familiar, serious voice in my head. “You made a commitment and you need to keep it.”

Late Tuesday night insomnia showed up.

Tossing. Turning. Reading. Tossing. Turning.

In the quietest, darkest part of the night I spoke out loud some words that rose from deep within me: “I need more time.”

So simple. So clear.

I need more time.

The familiar, serious voice was silent.

Lying in bed, my body relaxed into the truth and acceptance of those words. I finally fell back to sleep.

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That’s how I discovered that even with a year’s distance, telling the story of my professional ending required more care than I knew.

Endings require care. Even the telling of them.
More time isn’t always available, particularly at endings
But when it is, it can be a gift.
Theodore Rothko knew what he was talking about.

Thanks for reading.

Until next week, for realz.

Rachel